Once, we were at the hair salon and I asked the stylist how old she was. Besides my mother being mortified, the lady gave me a lecture on how it was rude to ask a woman their age. Another time, we were at the doctors office, because my mom had a nasal infection. As the doctor preformed his examination, I asked him if he liked looking up people's noses for a living. That wasn't too good either. A year ago my dad went in for an cat-scan to make sure his MS wasn't getting worse. As I waited for him, I asked a lady how she was doing because she looked a little downcast. I got her life story for an hour and a half (no joke-- her father was dying and her brother was a truck driver with three kids and he hadn't gotten married yet, and she wasn't sure what he was going to do with his life. They lived in Iowa).
Of course, when I was younger, it wasn't always apparent to me that there were proper and improper questions to ask. I looked at everything with the innocent curiosity that overcomes every child and opened my mouth whenever it seemed necessary. That curiosity never left, but it has become increasingly clear that I am no longer able to ask the questions that I feel need to be answered. When I do ask, they are pushed aside, ignored, or answered so vaguely that I might as well have never at asked at all. Or worse, I am given the reasons why I shouldn't be asking.
Is it too much to want the truth? To need it? To thrive off of it? No one seems to have any answers. Yes, I know, God has all the answers I will ever need. But God doesn't seem to be flashing any neon signs in my face or even sending coded messages in bottles. Has anyone ever thought that maybe God would give me answers by speaking through other people? But if these people refuse to listen to or answer my questions, then I'm no better off than I was at the beginning.
My parents say I am too gullible. I don't think this is true. I never take anything at face value. When someone tells me something, I always question it and act like what they're saying is a lie to test their truth. It makes it seems like I believe the opposite of what they're saying, but that's not it. It is only that I never want to be the one to stumble because I took someone's words for granted. I want something solid to stand on; save you're jell-o for kindergarten.
I have big questions about God. About living out my faith. Questions about church and people I love and "how to deal" or react or speak. I have questions about honesty. I have questions about why no one wants to listen to my questions. Am I annoying? Am I stupid? Are the answers in front of my face? If so, please, don't hesitate to call me out on my ignorance, I beg of you!
When I don't know what I'm dealing with I become afraid. If I have truth in answers, I can conquer almost anything. All of the puzzle pieces will fit together so neatly if I can gather them up. An incomplete puzzle drives me crazy.
Why did you really leave?
What does the authority really think? Why call?
When does He/It overtake you?
How can I be so sure?
What defines it?
Who are you and why can't I reach you?
What gives you this power/do you really have it?
Revival?
Why don't I have answers.
Why doesn't someone be REAL.
4 comments:
As I read the first paragraph I had a flashback of when I was little and I asked my uncle if he was a democrat or a republican. I had just learned about the two at school, so I was curious. Wrong question. lol. He got really mad at me and was like, "you shouldn't ask people about politics! blah! blah! blah!" Ever since then, I shy when that subject comes up. ;)
Some things I'd rather not know. Just today my mom was talking about family and I guess there is someone in our big family that isn't the best role model and did something of some kind. My mom wasn't sure if she should tell my sister and I or not. My sister started begging her to tell, I sat there thinking I'd rather not know if my mom was so unsure of telling me. If she was, there must be a reason. I asked her not to tell me.
The same goes with other things I suppose. I've heard so many tellings. So many times of people TELLING me why [they left] - since that was a question on your list]], or just plain TELLING me. (you get it.) I've heard things said and things unsaid. I've been told and I've not been told.
And sometimes I just come to a point where I'd rather not know. I understand the want to have questions answered, but sometimes all I really need to do is be still and know that He is God.
I understand the feelings of wanting the answers because they were never clearly given, boy have I been there! And sometimes I feel that it would be easier to get those answers, and sometimes I think that it would be best not to.
I guess the want for answers will never fully go away. We want to know. We want to know so we can make the best choices possible. We want to be aware of our surroundings so we won't trip ourselves up at the turn of a decision.
And the people that we are asking may not always have the answers. Or, like my mom, aren't 100% sure they should tell us for their own reasons.
I understand girl, I don't have the answers, but I understand.
i think questions are a great thing. i, like you, am very inquisitive. mike will tell me that ppl may interpret that as being nosey. i used to care if that was what ppl were thinking b/c i'm not nosey. sometimes, i just really want to know how something works or why it doesn't & so on. anyway, i decided that ppl are going to think what they want to anyway. i believe that God makes each one of us special & unique - no two ppl are alike, even in the same family.
what i'm saying is, embrace your thirst for questions & answers. God made you a thinking being so that you wouldn't just fall for anything. i believe that it's a beautiful gift to want to know the reasons why, so long as we always keep in mind that sometimes we may not get the answer we want or even an answer.
with our boys, i've always encouraged them to ask. how else are they going to learn? does that mean mike & i always have the right answer? NOPE. sometimes we don't even have an answer. i think that helps them develop a sense of who they are & what God has created them to be.
i think that we sometimes intimidate others. in other words, those of us that are inquisitive by nature are sometimes met w/apprehension b/c others are not sure of the right thing to say & aren't willing to admit that they just don't know. do you get me?
there definitely needs to be a balance & God is that balance. don't know if it helps, but, love yourself, embrace your questions & seek answers in Him. He made you wonderfully & fearfully & created you in His image & likeness. imagine what it would be like if we didn't question things - we'd all be exactly the same. i don't think those were God intentions b/c every member of the body is different :-)
xoxo, j
Maybe there's nothing wrong with the questions you ask and there's definitely nothing wrong with you. No you are not stupid or annoying. In fact you are a level-headed young lady and I'm proud to call you my friend.
The questions you ask are important to you and therefore should be important to those you ask. Perhaps the ones you ask the questions to are avoiding them because to answer them would cause them to deal with issues they are trying to avoid. (Just a thought)
Anyway you will come through this ordeal and be a better person on the other side. Don't loose heart.
As to the questions that you have about God and living your faith, it's something we all go through. Don't ever fall prey to the lie that you're all alone in your struggles and that no one understands you or cares what you're going through. Even Jesus when He was on earth felt abandoned and asked "why". It doesn't make you a lesser person it's just part of the growing process that you must go through that will help mold you in to a great woman of God. One whom God will use to impact your world for Him in a way that only you can.
I'm praying for you and can't wait to see the wonderful things God is going to do in and through you.
Life is lived forward but only understood backwards.” - Unknown
ooooohhhhh... we are going to have a wonderful... looonnnnggg lunch tomorrow! I am excited! So bring it, bring them all... and lets have fun! To inquire is to learn! Remember that if you dont ask questions, you wont get answers! But somtimes we have to listen/ hear and live the answers before we can even know the questions. :)
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