I don't even understand what I'm doing. So it's unlikely anyone else will either. All I know is that God is calling me. Maybe back to where I was, or to somewhere I've never been. But I can't let things stop me. I can't let my parents, my brother, my friends, my selfish desires and dreams, material possessions, Facebook, or anything else block me off from God. This is me jumping off of the cliff. Hitting air resistance. Grabbing frantically for my parachute cord to realize that I'm merely free-falling. This is me trusting. I can't see where this leads and it's scary. It keeps me awake. It creates new obstacles. But I know that I have to do this because my life and my heart have not been right lately. I've been hurting my family, hurting my friends, and hurting myself. And all of this hurts God.
Maybe you think I'm fake. Maybe I am. Maybe you think I'm afraid. Maybe I am. Maybe you think I'm mean, rude, childish, irresponsible, or untrustworthy. Maybe I am.
Maybe you think I'm not working to change; maybe you're wrong.
A very few of you ask me not to shut you out. I told you it was hard. You told me you loved me, told me fourteen things that were beautiful about me when only seven were required. For this I will forever be grateful because you wouldn't let go. Leigh and Kenna, Rodney-- I see God in you. I love you guys. Thank you from the bottomless well of my heart.
"The way we look tonight, I know
Nobody else could get in the way this time,
Just can't stop the light, I know
Nobody's gonna get in the way of my shine."
--Shine, Krystal Meyers
2 comments:
I don't know where you were, where you're going, or where you want to be. And how did He show you? What did it feel like when the Holy Spirit moved and made you aware of this calling? I feel a calling too, but it is faint and fading. Was it like this for you, too? Do you want to talk about it? I'm making this comment really long and drawn out and probably sort of unusual, but I don't care. I just want you to know the thoughts that went through my head as I was reading it rather than some encouraging and generic "You go, girl!" type of thing. I have to say wow to this, though. Good job expressing it. Good job recognizing it. Good job not ignoring the Holy Spirit as we all do so often. It takes a real soldier to hear, receive, and act. You're a solider, bella (: And I want to hang out and actually talk talk talk.
I'm so glad that you are throwing off everything that keeps us away from hearing the Word of God speak. Most people never do that. I know I don't do it enough. I love you girl, I really do. I really want a sleepover soon. Really. :) I'll ask my mom about it. We need our core group of Christian girls to build each other up and to encourage each other. I want to be that for you.
Post a Comment