The harder it is, the stronger you'll be.

This semester is shaping up well. Much better than last semester, anyways. I have some really tough classes (ap stat, ap english, and ap us history. yikes!) and I am completely loving the challenge. I'm actually learning something now! But la tarea (yo tengo espanol dos tambien) is really killing me. It's mostly reading that I have to push my way through to get a certain amount done by a certain date. Like, for APUSH, I have four different books I have to read: the classroom textbook, two that I had to go out and pay for out of my pocket, and one that I can hopefully find in the library. Then I'm reading Huck Fin for AP english and had to buy another textbook. And stats, too, comes with reading homework! Even though it's math! How does that work? I haven't gone to bed before 11:30 the past couple nights. Not to mention work. Maybe this grounding thing is good. I wouldn't be able to survive with anything else going on. 

Report cards came out today, and I was so relieved to see that I had done well. My GPA even came up, which is very cool. I sound like a total nerd. Oh well, what can I say, me gusta escuela. 

Ugh, now I work. But it's gotten a whole lot better, praise God. :) Hasta luego! 

And Amanda T: I will try my hardest to reply soon. As in tonight after work. Hopefully. 

Grounded.

Well.

I am grounded for a month. No phone (house or cell), no texts, no email, no ushering, no youth band, no car, no keys, no friends, no parties, no hanging out. Nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero. Maybe not even Revolution Weekend. :/

So what I'm thinking is God wants to get real with me. I have communication issues. That's why I'm grounded, wrapped up in a nut shell. So I'm going to have to learn to be a better communicator. 

Alas, goodbye for a month. 

"I am in the depths of despair, Marilla."

"The depths of despair?"

"Yes. Haven't you ever been in the depths of despair?"

"No, I have not."

"Couldn't you imagine you were in the depths of despair?"

"No. To despair is to turn your back on God."

--Anne of Green Gables (the movie) 

*Gasp*

Omg. I cut all my hair off. Like seriously. It's all gone. I look emo/punk. :0

Successful people are good at "plan B"

So Esther. We aren't sure if Esther wanted to be snatched away from her family to undergo a year of "beauty treatments" and then become queen or not. Let us believe, for all intents and purposes, that she did not want it. But at one point in Esther's story, her cousin Mordecai (sp?) told her "perhaps God put you here for such a time as this." And so even though she didn't want to be there, God wanted her there, and as a result used her for great things. 

Then, on the other hand, you have David. When David was running from Saul (running for his life, really) he hid out in the mountains. And of course, he was miserable. Who wants to hide out in caves for an indeterminable amount of time? So God told David "Hey, you're miserable for a reason- because you're not where I want you to be." Then David left the mountains and went to become king. 

How does any of this relate, you ask? Well, it has seemed lately that I've been smashed between a rock and a hard place. I don't know if I'm where I'm suppose to be when it comes to anything. Work, class, ushering team at church, college... you name it, I'm lost. And I hate where I am. So I'm wonder if I'm Esther, where God needs me to be even though I don't like it, or David, and God's trying to tell me to go do something else because I'm miserable. 

Hence, I've decided to fast Facebook (because I'm addicted... isn't that sad?) and pray, pray, pray for 30 days, or a month. I'm hoping God will have mercy and show me where I'm suppose to be, because obviously I am so hopeless and clueless that it's not even funny. 

Anyways, I have a little break (no work until Wednesday, phew). Tomorrow I might go out with Ashlin and Krystal, two uh-MAZE-ing people that I greatly admire. :) 

Peace. 

And breath...Gooooood.

slienfsldfneislnflsifnwlifnsldjnfvilnvliesnlsdnfilsfjlskdjf

(deep breath in)

SLDFINE lsdifnelisnfSIIIINELFSNLSIGNIEG!!?

(slow breath out)

sleinslief*#lkjsodif@$QO*&Qoijlsfcnq391

(close eyes and breath some more)

now repeat.

12:16 AM

So yeah. Talk about being wide awake. I guess that's what you get when you drink two cups of coffee with creamer right before going to bed. 

I went outside with my telescope tonight (last night? whatever). The moon was amazing, but made it hard to see any of the other stars and planets. Then came cloud coverage. I did get to see a little bit of Mars though, which is a cool thing to look at because of all the hot gases swirling around it. Have you ever just stood with your head tilted back and watched the sky? Tonight it was odd because as the clouds moved over the moon, it looked like the moon was actually moving higher in the sky while everything else stood still. And as I danced around my backyard (looking like a fool, I'm sure) it seemed as if it were following me, while nothing else so much as even twitched. It reminded me of us as humans, in this life. To us, it feels like we're always running, acting, jumping, doing something... when really we are moving so slow it's hard to even measure the distance we've covered, because everything around us is going so fast. 

Little slice of silver moon,

Shining like a cream balloon,

My shadow wiggles in it's cascade

Of milky light, a small parade. 

It swings up higher in the night

A pendulum of white delight,

With fuzzy clouds across its face,

A coin tossed up in blackened space.

Up and up it slowly sails

On the worlds black evening veil,

Awaiting there the light of day,

To watch me sleep, there it will stay.

....So that was random. Anyways. Tomorrow (today) it is supposedly going to snow. Which I am happy about and not so happy about at the same time. I LOVE snow... but not when it ruins my weekend plans, haha. Perhaps it will snow a little, melt, dry up, and be over with by the time Sunday afternoon comes. In a perfect world, at least. 

I should probably try to sleep now. *sigh*. 

Buenas noches, mi amigos. 

AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

I have.... BRACES! EEEK!!

These are a Few of my Favorite Things...

1. Hugs! :D

2. Peanut butter

3. Church/Jesus

4. Starbucks

5. A new book

6. The smell of a new book, haha

7. A clean, blank journal with crisp pages and a cream ribbon

8. Leaves in the fall

9. The moon and stars

10. Summer nights, spring mornings, autumn days, winter snowstorms 

11. Fireworks

12. Gladiolas 

13. Friends

14. My laptop (Mac's rule!)

15. Music, the church band. 

16. Telescope

17. School (yes, I AM a dork)

18. Liberty University

19. Relient K and Switchfoot

20. "A Walk to Remember"

21. Spanish 

22. History

23. Bubbles

24. The smell of fresh cut grass 

25. The ocean and it's smell

26. THE SKY

27. Conversations

28. People and the way they think

29. Hair ribbons

30. Life :)

A Song

Is this what we want

Is this all we get

I don't know what I'm looking for but I won't forget

I'll keep making mistakes

And keep finding the ways to bring myself back to you. 

But my breath keeps catching

Inside of my chest

Because your eyes keep laughing

At the silliest things

I find myself watching you. 

I've got nothing to offer

And nothing to bring

To your table, your life, 

How hollow this song rings

Over and over

It plays through you mind

Until it seems like you've heard it

At least a million times

But I'm ready to find you

And I'm open if you want to come in. 

Are we really so poor

As to stand by ourselves

With our hands in our pockets

And our hearts on a shelf

With time slipping further, yes so much further away.

My hands have gotten

A little bit colder

When they're not wrapped in yours

And the minutes grow older

It feels like I've waited forever out here just for you. 

I've nothing to offer,

And nothing to bring,

Nothing but simple words

I'm dying to sing

I'm just waiting.

Waiting out here to find you. 

Easier Than Love

"Everyone's a lost romantic

Since our love became a kissing show

Everyone's a Casanova

Come and pass me the mistletoe,

Everyone's been scared to death

Of dying here alone,

Alone."

--Switchfoot 

I'm not looking for some shallow sort of teenage love. I'm not looking for eternal happiness. I'm not looking for some emotional high that will keep me "happy" for a little while until the newness wears off. I'm looking for a deep, solid friendship that blossoms into a relationship. I use to imagine myself riding off in a blaze of romance into some tropical horizon, but now I laugh about it whenever that fantasy comes to mind. I want someone who I can be real with. I want someone that I can talk to and express myself to without them saying that I'm weird or that I need to quit thinking so much. I want someone to laugh with. Someone who will be a friend to me before anything else. Someone who is smart, who will challenge me and maybe even make me mad once in a while. I'm not that "love-at-first-sight" kind of girl. I don't care much about looks (though I wouldn't complain if they're attractive). I don't care what they do with their hair, or how they dress, or what school they go to. I care about whether or not they love the Lord with all their soul, mind, and strength. I care about the fact that they put Him and their family first place in their life. I care about whether or not this person plans to stick around or be here for a season, ready to take off once things get old. 

I'm not looking for someone to go to the movies with every weekend, nor someone to cling to and hope they can fix my life. I know that people aren't perfect. I know that no one but God could ever truly make me happy. But I have standards and I won't settle for anything less. 

I don't really know where this came from tonight, haha, but it's whatever. 

New Years

So how about 2008 is going to be completely and utterly awesome? It certainly started out with a bang. A couple of us from youth were able to go to Winterfest at Liberty University to see tons and tons of different artists, hear all kinds of amazing speakers, and just chill and get to know the other people who went. It was INCREDIBLE. Oh, and I won a $12,000 scholarship to go there!! And Mitch Figueras won an electric guitar signed by the artists!! There are no words to describe it. 

Me, Ashlin, and Amanda all shared a hotel room and we went crazy in those wee hours of the morning. ("Can you smell my eye?") We discovered a secret (LOL) and played Buzz ("I think that's cool" "Buzz!" "I think that sucks!") constantly. We mixed drinks ("It's called 'Mad Chocolate Cow Disease... wanna try it?") and stood in line for an endless amount of time for food and while waiting to get into concerts (Big Booty!). The ice skating... well some of us weren't that great and some of us were. Oh the joy. Oh the laughter. 

But amidst all the fun (and there was tons of it) I really learned a few great principles. One of the speakers on New Years Eve talked about how we are a dispassionate people, how we Christians in American basically think we have it bad when someone pokes fun at our beliefs when people are dying, becoming martyrs all over the world because they are hated for what they stand for. And yet they continue to stand, being bold in Christ. So this New Year, this generation needs to make that stand, because we are desperately needed in this world that is becoming so black. We are being called by God to rise up, to speak, to act, to make known His mighty name and so proclaim His everlasting Word of life, truth, and redemption. We do not need resolutions. We need a revolution. We need change and we need it badly. This generation has become stagnant in the puddle of our self-righteousness, and we are blind to the fact that we are drowning in our complacency. The time to be an undercover Christian is over. God needs less detectives and more cops, to make a childish analogy. God is calling His children all over the world ( yes, here in America too) to make known their faith and to let themselves submerse themselves joyfully into His plan for their life, which will always come out to be to glorify Him and make Him known. Anything else we try to do, anywhere else we try to fit ourselves in, will make us utterly miserable. So what are we waiting for? What are we doing to break the mold? Are we truly succumbing to God's plan, become missionaries in our schools, workplace, and homes, or are we just sailing along, going where we don't need to be and trying to fit in where we don't fit, therefore becoming dissatisfied? 

This year, 2008, is going to become a year of revolution only if we release our grip on this world and it's offers and run to a place of never-ending light. If you're quiet, we need you. If you're loud, we need you. If you're scared, running, happy, introverted, extroverted, funny, serious, whatever- we need you. Take that stand. Proclaim His goodness and love, His peace and mercy, His compassion and His judgement and the day of salvation, because our time is running short and the hourglass is "glued to the table." Someone out there needs Him, and therefore, they need you. So do something about it.