People, You Make Me [enter verb]

(lilting guitar and piano, catchy tune, smooth voice, rather like "You've Got A Friend In Me")

People, you make me laugh,

Oh, and people, you make me so sad,

All I want to do

Is get into you,

And find out what makes you

Do the things you do,

Do do do do x3 

People, you make me smile,

And you can get me angry every once in a while,

From the top coming down

Until my feet hit the ground

I wanna know you all around

Know what you do.

Do do do do x3

People, you make me sing

About every silly little inadequate thing,

Don't matter what you know

Who you are or where you go,

It's simply true, I wish I knew

Why you do the things you do.

Do do do do x3

Number It Down

All of these are friendships, nothing more. 

1. I think it could work but you are quiet. You don't see good things about yourself. I want to help but I can't. We both know it. But I still think if there is still "try" it could turn into something beautiful. I want this. 

2. I am having trouble with you. I don't know where you're coming from or what you want. You, too, are quiet. I want it badly. I am pushing forward but I don't see your boat coming in yet. I keep thinking I see it, but then it slips away. 

3. I like you, I have no problems with you. We are chill and I am thankful for that. 

4. You, as well, are thankfully firmly steady with me. We go back farther than the others, perhaps? I wish you were around more often. 

5. You are the sky with me. Most of the time it is blue skies and seventy-five, but it's like Florida and these berserk rain storms hit. Idk how much of a roller coaster I can take. But you can't have a world without a sky, so.  

6. I need more time with you. I enjoy you very much. I am not good enough for you. Sheesh, you are practically perfect. I am sorry about earlier. But that was not the time nor place. 

7. Oh, you would have no problem solving issue with me. You like to say it and I'm glad for that. If we are/were ever not chill, you hide it incredibly well. But that's not your style. Thank goodness. 

8. You need to be closer. I think we could have awesome conversation. You arouse my curiosity. I see you as a half-moon, because I only see the bright shiny part, but I know there has to be the other half somewhere. 

9. Lauren, why must you live so far away? My sister, my friend, my closest companion, I need you to be here. I hope to see you this summer so badly. You always understand. I don't even need to say anything, but you know. 

10. Mmm, I don't know how to say this. I appreciate you greatly. I am not as good a friend to you as you are to me and I am sorry. So sorry. Sorry for snapping. But I can't lean on something that isn't whole yet itself. 

11. You need to be closer as well. I miss your attitude and sarcasm and little joys and talking. Not that it could be again, ever. I am glad for technology. I like you, of course, and have no problems that I know of. Not that it's possible yet, being younger. 

12. I need You. You always listen, always forgive, always want to hang out. I could spend every second of every day with you if I wanted, so why don't I? You love me unconditionally... why do I use You as a last resort? Me and You are on and off, I play with fake and real with You and I hate myself for it. I will change this. I will change this. 

(Don't think. Don't assume. Don't even try.)

The Wreckage

Let's put it in drive.  Let's put it in reverse.

Take a look at it all in slow motion Fast forward till you can barely see

The upcoming disaster caught The fatal one-on-one

In the teeth of the commotion.  That'll bring you to your knees.

Only seconds to correct mistakes The impact was so strong in the end

Slam on your breaks What time could never mend

For as long as it takes Was forced to finally bend

And watch with mounting agitation  Due to the force of the collision

The final piece of the equation With no space for intermission

Make the world stop it's rotation Ripped wide open, the incision 

You cling to every flotation It was all on your own volition 

Device that's around Glass exploding in your face 

Until your feet hit dry ground Head snaps forward, then back

And your mouth is open wide Into place at a sickening pace

But you're not uttering a sound.  Memory loses it's trace. 

Sing-along, sing-along, Sing-along, sing-along

Merrily we row along Listen to my rhyming song

Merrily, we're going strong, By the cradle, Mother Goose

Hold hands now, we swing around Goes through my head as

Around the rosy, all fall  Time breaks loose, and shuts

Down.  Down. 

Easter Sunday

Stop. Rewind... Play.

I've got two pockets and one memory,
I cherish the important things
Within each of the three.

[rolling]

I hold it in my hands,
But I have cracks between my fingers,
And this time is like sand,
The rhyme is so cliche,
I feel it slipping away,
Away like what was yesterday.

The letters on my keyboard
Are the buttons to my soul
As I let my fingers play across
I lose all control,
The tapping music makes the beat
To which I mark the obsolete
This TV has no repeat
Good luck at making a retreat.

Oh, my thoughts are all strung wild
Yes they blossom and fade,
Like the exhaust behind an aircraft
White and trailing away,
Into a sky so blue
That it splits the world in two,
When you read this, then it's true,
That we're both only me and you.

[oh, wait, stop the clip for a minute]

Pause, and I see you step onto the scene,
Seemingly looking unseen,
It's like I'm watching a dream.
But it's real, and I'm grinning,
Feels like I'm finally winning,
Cuz you got my hands shaking and my mind keeps spinning.

[ok, keep going.]

Take one of the future,
I've only got one shot,
I don't know how much film I have
But I hope it's a lot
Because there's so much left to do
And I just keep on pushing through
You won't ever get this, will you?
It's ok, one day it may come true.

[crap. ran out of footage.]

Say What You Need To Say :)

Daisy

My father gave me a seed and said to me, "Go and plant it and watch it grow. Be careful with it, and it will bring you great joy." 

I was excited. I took the seed and ran to my garden. My garden was pretty big. Not enormous, but I was very happy with it. Most of the things in my garden are flowers. My favorites are the gladiolas; they are the closest to me. The rest are all different kinds: pansies, tulips, daffodils, crocuses, lady's slipper, marigolds, and more. 

I took the seed and right away dug a little plot in the center, next to the biggest, most flourishing gladiola that was my joy. Gently I laid it in the soil and smoothed the rich loam back over it, patting the ground firmly to keep it in place. I was so happy about the seed my father gave me that I couldn't wait for it to grow. I said to myself, "Now, I will take extra special care of this one, and maybe it will come up faster." 

So each day I took time to water my new seed, and I whispered to it beautiful things, which of course, it could not hear yet, but I believed once it was grown, I could tell it all sorts of wonderful things. I fed it and made sure it had plenty of sunshine. I wanted this seed to become the best flower in my entire garden. 

Soon enough, a little green shot through the dark earth. I was overjoyed. I ran around it, laughing and jumping, and I ran to tell my father all about it. It was coming up so fast, and I loved it more and more each day. I could tell it was going to be something very special. 

But as time went on, I was called away from my garden. My neighbor, Miss L. Ife, was nagging me about the weeds around my yard fence, the garbage that needed to be taken out, the schoolwork that needed to be done, and my father quietly reminded me as I rushed around about how he needed to talk to me about something. I started doing my jobs poorly. I felt the need to do everything at once and do it to perfection. 

After a good deal of time, I went back to my garden and looked grievously at the sprout I had been so thrilled about and all of my other flowers that I so loved. Many of them had stopped growing, some of them were missing petals, and weeds had came in to choke the others. My little seed that had grown so diligently under my care was stunted in its grow; it had not climaxed into the amazing flower it should have been. I ran to my father, weary and distressed and dismayed and angry. 

I said to him, "Why have you let me run around and do all of these other things? Why can't you tell Miss L. Ife to leave me alone? Why didn't you make me sit down and talk to you? Why has the little seed you gave me stopped growing? What did I do? What am I suppose to do now? Why am I not good enough to do what needs to be done?"

My father looked at me and said gently, "I needed you to learn. I want to spend time with you. I want to talk with you always, at every moment. I love you, and if you trust me, the seed I gave you will continue to grow into a flower like no other that you have. You can't do it all on your own; let me help you. Then, with me, you will be good enough." 

I returned to my flower plot. The only surviving flower was a lone Bleeding Heart in the corner. I turned to my father and ran into his arms. "I need you. Help me." 

En mi cabeza, en mi corazon.

"Why don't YOU come right out and say it?" --Relient K

"This week the trend, was to back stab every single one of my friends, and leave a voice mail message trying to make amends, all the while hoping this will count in the end." --Relient K

"Time and time and time will tell, time will tell or tear us apart, you're miles and miles and miles away, silence reveals where we really are." --Anberlin

"Let it go, Daisy let it go, open up your fist, this fallen world, doesn't hold your interest, doesn't hold your soul, Daisy let it go." --Switchfoot

"I want, to be seen, with a fresh pair of eyes." -- Brooke Waggoner

"The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart." Taylor Swift

"Jefferson airplane, I'm trapped and I am enclosed, but I won't complain, I'll open all the windows." --Relient K

"Give me one more round." --Barlow Girl

"Welcome to the planet, welcome to resistance. The tension is here, the tension is here, I dare you to move." --Switchfoot

"Do you remember when we first met, I sure do, It was some time, in early September." --Jack Johnson

"If I lay here, if I just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we're told, before we get too old, Show me a garden that's bursting into life." --Snow Patrol

"Suddenly" --TobyMac

"Step one you say we need to talk, he walks, you say sit down it's just a talk, he smiles politely back at you, you stare politely right on through... and I would have stayed up with you all night, had I known how to save a life." --The Fray

"I never knew, I never knew that everything was falling through, that everyone I knew was waiting on a cue, to turn and run when all I needed was the truth, But that's how it's gotta be, It's coming down to nothing more than apathy, I'd rather run the other way than stay and see, The smoke and who's still standing when it clears." --The Fray

"And I've dropped out, I've burned up, I've fought my way back from the dead, I've tuned in, I've turned on, remembered the things that you've said." --Edwin McCain 

"She said I think I'll go to Boston, I think I'll start a new life, I think I'll start it over, Where no one knows my name, I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather, I think I'll get a lover, And fly him out to Spain, I think I'll go to Boston, I think that I'm just tired, I think I need a new town, To leave this all behind, I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset, I heard it's nice in the summer, some snow would be nice." --Augustana

"You've got a friend in me, you've got a friend in me, you've got your troubles, well I've got 'em too, there isn't anything I wouldn't do you for, we'll stick together and we'll see it through, yeah you've got a friend in me." --Woody

"Sing to me the song of the stars, of your galaxies dancing and laughing and laughing again, When it feels like my dreams are so far, Would you sing to me over and over and over again?" --Mandy Moore

"Stars looking at a planet

Watching entropy and pain,

And maybe started wondering how

The chaos in our lives could pass as sane,

I've been thinking about the meaning of resistance

Of a hope beyond my own

And suddenly the infinite and penitent 

Begin to look like home

I've been thinking how everyone, everyone

You look so empty,

Everyone, yeah everyone we feel so empty."

I want my world to be in color. I want my dreams to become life-like. I want to love passionately, forgive beyond reason, build with endless ingenuity, dance with everlasting zeal, laugh with unending joy, sing to the mountains, run to the rivers, submerse myself in friendship and realize what it means to truly live. I need others to know the truth. Need them to know what I need them to know. Please know. Please believe. Please reciprocate. 

My soul. Feel it, take it, help me mould it and shape it, love it, care for it, protect it, enjoy it. All of you. Let me do the same for all of you. 

"I came that they may have LIFE, and have it in abundance." --John 10:10

Un video

I don't know how long this is (it took FOREVER to download!) but I took it driving down a beach road... :)

:)

It was a good vacation for the most part.

Now I just have to remember how to slip back into routine.

Tomorrow is school and work.

I miss the warm weather

And palm trees

And white beaches.

I want to be in a bigger place.

A different part of the world.

See something new.

Or see new something. 

But preferable the first. 

One part of me was sad

Because there's a lot of beautiful natural stuff

But it's getting choked by this commercialization 

And that disgusted me,

Because it's like the palm trees couldn't breathe.

But then I was on the beach

And the sand was nice and white

The sun was a little white ball

In a blue, blue sky.

And the water was ticklish. 

In the city there were lots and lots of old people

Which was kind of weird

And it smelt like tar and doctor offices. 

But then

On the island

It was just culture and little shops

And people out walking their dogs

And salt and surf and sunshine

And humming music

And swelling tides

And people! oh the people,

All different kinds

With different faces

Personalities

Reasons. 

I really loved the island. 

The Ends DON'T Justify The Means!

Let me tell you how we got here. 

Our flight was suppose to take off at 7:00, right? So we get to the airport around six, check in, and find our gate. By the way, we're not leaving from RDU, but some dinky (no offense) little airport in Greensboro, so we're 2 hours from home. And the travel agent tells us that there's a two hour delay because of bad weather in Fort Lauderdale, where our plane is coming from, so the plane hasn't even left to come get us yet. Ok, well, that sucks, but two hours is bearable, so we set our stuff down and eat something in this little mini- Pizza Hut (which ended up giving all of us extremely horrible stomach problems!). I have my camera and am taking random pics and videos, which I plan putting on Facebook later because I'm documenting our trip. 

So two hours goes by and after sitting and such and being bored and tired (because I got three hours of sleep the night before) they inform us that the plane still hasn't taken off yet due to weather, so it won't get to us until 11:30, take off at 12 a.m., and get us to the airport at one in the morning. At one in the morning, the car rental isn't open, which would leave me and my family stranded at this tiny Florida airport and hour away from our hotel in the wee hours of the morning. Not desirable. So we leave the airport and get a room at a hotel about 15 minutes away and plan to take the earliest flight out the next morning (6:15). The only problem is, the company (SkyBus) didn't want to refund our money and told us we'd have to pay for all new tickets. Dad was like, uhm, no, forget that crap, give us our money back or put us on that plane in the morning. So they said fine, you can take the morning flight for free. 

Anyways, we take a shuttle bus to the hotel and go to sleep around 11:30, and get up the next morning at 4:30, so we can leave for the airport by 5 and get there at 5:15. Before going to bed the night before, dad called the hotel we were suppose to be staying at in Florida that night to see if we could get a refund on that room, too, since we couldn't stay there due to outside, uncontrollable circumstances. It turns out they didn't have our reservations, and even though we had already paid to stay there once we got to Florida, they didn't see us in their system. Which means if we could have managed to get there when we were suppose to, we wouldn't have had a place to stay. So that was bad and dad had to work all that out before bed. 

Now, when we first checked into the hotel in Greensboro that night, we told the lady at the counter to write us down on a list that told the shuttle bus driver we needed to leave for the airport by five. So the next morning we're down in the lobby at five to five. And it just so happened that another person had needed to be taken to the airport, but had not told the lady to write his/her name down, so the shuttle driver took the other person instead of us, and we were stuck at this hotel and pretty much told we were going to miss the flight. 

The driver made it back for us by 5:20 and we were in line to check in our bags by 5:30. But dad didn't have tickets for this flight, he only had our old tickets from the delayed flight. So he had to argue with the flight agent to give us new tickets. It took forever. We had pretty much assumed we were going home because everything was going wrong. But then, oh goodness! A man was able to change our tickets and they held the flight for us, because by this time it was 6:30. We had to run out onto the runway, escorted by those guys in orange vests and headgear, and ushered up a flight of steps and onto the plane. I felt pretty much like the president. One of our "ushers" said he was surprised the vice-president of the company hadn't sent out his personal plane to get us. I guess dad caused a bit of a ruckus. 

And now we're here. *Phew*

Give Me One More Round

Mk. Let's get some things straight real quick. 

I don't care how much I joke around with it. I don't care how much I agree. It will always kick me in the gut when people talk about family. Yes, perhaps it was in good humor. Doesn't matter. Say it when I'm not around. I'm tired of hearing about scary, weird, etc. This is NOT directed at any specific individual, it is in general, so DON'T assume I am talking about you or am even pointing it in your general direction. 

"In your anger, do not sin." I blew it here. I am sorry. I opened my mouth before my brain functioned. I will revert to my favorite Relient K song:

"It seems I'm always closed minded with an open mouth

And the worst of me just seems to come right out

Though I've never broken bones with a stone or a stick

I can conjure up a phrase that can cut to the quick

And sometimes I say things that

I wish that I could take back

The most crucial thing I lack

Is a thing called tack

...

Yeah I've gotta keep quiet, quiet

Don't let it all come undone

Cause if I dare open my mouth

It'll just be to bite my tongue

To bite my tongue." 

This has been, is, and probably always will be a sore spot for you and I, amigo. I'm sorry.

Double-Take

A library. It's not very big, but big enough, with three long shelves weighted with books. One is labeled 1-5, the second 6-10, and the third 11-15. Next to the window on the far end of the room is a table, labeled 16, with only two books upon it.

Circles the table [slowly]: "You are not that old yet." She muses, picking up the top book and fingering through it gently. Fondly. 

"I can almost smell the new pages... well, almost."

Halfway through, a clean page displays the word After. She begins reading. Laughs here and there. Smiles, frowns, and soon becomes puzzled. 

"What is the point of reading a book if the end hasn't been written yet?" 

Glances out the window. The sun is still high in the sky. She rubs the spine thoughtfully. 

"Well... there's time before the end of the day." 

Lace curtains swish. Fade into black.