Vacation time.

Man, my posts are becoming more and more sporadic. I used to write a least once a week and now I hardly write at all. It's a little disappointing. Only two posts in the month of December! I guess it sort of corresponds to all of the other things that used to be consistent. Like my conversations with Lauren— I talked to her today for the first time in ages. It was good and I miss it.

Christmas came and went. It was simple; I am glad of this. I go back to school on the tenth, so I still have a good chunk of time at home that allows me to think of other things and pursue other interests, at least for the time being. This weekend I'm going back to campus, though, to pick up a prescription and, hopefully, look at some apartments for next year with Danielle. Yes, I'll probably still be at Chapel Hill next year, despite all of my qualms. And at the moment I'm okay with that— If the right sort of opportunities present themselves, I shouldn't need to worry about it. I can live a positive lifestyle wherever I am, whether my flesh wants to be there or not.

This summer I'm looking into some mission trip opportunities. Who knows if I'll get to go anywhere or not, but I'm really hoping. Dad was talking about finding some internships, so I may do that, too. And of course, Chick-Fil-A offered me a job whenever I need one, so if I need some cash or have time to kill, that's always an option (and a generous one, at that).

Currently, I'm sort of taking advantage of "break time." AKA, being completely and undeniably lazy. This is a good thing and a bad thing; I desperately needed to chill out, but laziness is also an unprofitable lifestyle. I'm reading Proverbs little by little, trying to soak in individual verses instead of reading through a chapter and calling it a night. I haven't read Proverbs in forever, because I find myself drawn to the New Testament, especially after my Hebrew Bible class at UNC. Gosh, that class scarred me. I'm having to rethink the entire Old Testament and sift through everything the professor taught, because it was so skewed and fundamentally shattering.

I think this next semester is going to be a lot better. I'm going to work to make it better. But hey— I still have two weeks left of vacation. Why bother thinking about it now? ;)

Hello, Beginning

A couple weeks ago Luke, Mickey, and I were debating over whether or not a circle has a beginning. Luke and I said no, because there is no definite start to a circle and thus, no definite end. Mickey said yes, because you can pick a point on the circle to start and then follow it back. I'm still not completely sure who was right, but the point is, wherever I started, I think, to an extent, I'm coming full circle.

Hello, readers. I've missed thee.

I can almost feel the onslaught of pent up and pushed back thoughts that are itching to come out in a blog, things that I haven't had time to sit down and diagnose, things that have been repressed in the corners of my authoretic heart (authoretic is not a word, but I hereby declare it one by necessity of speech), things that only words could truly and honestly release by painting out expression into neat little black blocks of letters. Words, wonderful words. Yes, it is good to be back.

First semester of college is almost over. Classes end Wednesday (can I get an amen?) and my exams are sporadic, finishing up next Thursday. I go home this week and don't come back for almost a full month. I won't lie, Chapel Hill has been... quite the experience, thus far. Wow. Just thinking back over the events that have taken place is enough to make my head spin. Who am I now, in comparison to the little girl that came to college at the end of August? Not to say I'm all grown up now, not in the least, but a little wiser for wear, if you know what I mean. And maybe a little worse for wear, too, but that's to be expected in some way, shape, or form.

If I have learned one thing, it would be... well scratch that, I could never come up with just one thing. If I have learned anything, it would be that I am not the "good person" I thought I was. There is no such thing as a good, perfect person. I am not on a pedestal, I am not worthy, I am nothing. In the kingdom of heaven I am of no value but through the precious redemption, forgiveness, and sanctification of Christ Jesus. I am fully capable of making mistakes; I am nothing, and when I think I am, I am only deceiving myself and being a hypocrite to the world. Luke always teases me about being a "Carolina girl in a Carolina world." Let me tell you, there is a sharp, biting truth in that tease! I don't want to be that. I don't want to choose my life over God. I don't want to be selfish, or fiercely independent, or uncompromising, or stubborn, or proud or self-righteous. I don't want anything but His grace exhibited in my futile life. I want to TELL people that His love is all-sufficing, all-encompassing, ALL. I want to live a life of humility in Jesus, in His arms, in his perfect, beautiful Love. Forget all of my desires and everything that I, Kristina Lorraine Weeks, want for myself, for my life. His Will is my ultimate goal. My utmost for His highest.

I am excited for this Christmas season, but I'm also excited for the next semester. My flesh wants to be anxious about what happens after that— where will I be this summer, next year, in the years to come? Who will be with me and who will be left behind? Who will I be, and who will I become? But the Spirit pushes it aside and gives me a confidence in Christ that is unparalleled by any fear or misgiving that I have. "Tell me, what is our ending? Will it be beautiful, so beautiful? Will my life find me by Your side? Because Your Love is beautiful, so beautiful."

It is still possible to find fire in the valley. I'm sure the burning bush wasn't on top of a mountain— How do you know what an oasis is unless you've been in the desert? Being passionate is being sure when there is hardly anything to be sure about. Living a life sold out is just that: being sold out. Is that comprehensible? How can I sell my life out, give of myself, and hold on to nothing, offering it all as a sweet, sweet sacrifice to my Lord and Savior?