"Hi, I'm ________!"

Dear Future College Roommate,

You scare the crap out of me, just to let you know. Sort of, anyway. Because I have no control over who you are, or where you've come from, or what you like to do. For all I know, you're going to be coming into the dorm each night at one a.m., smelling like alcohol and/or cigarettes, maybe with some random guy who isn't even your boyfriend. My hair is already standing on end. Are tasers allowed on campus? I don't mean to alarm you... actually that's a lie, I hope I'm alarming you so much that you'll think better of being my roommate and stay with someone else! But hey, I'm getting way ahead of myself. And I'll bet all of the above is just a poor assumption that is completely incorrect (hopefully).

I hope that, above all else, you love God. That's basically the ONLY thing I hope for, because if you truly love Jesus, then I won't have to worry about anything unlawful happening. Someone, I think St. Augustine maybe, said "Love God, do as you please." I love that quote, but so many people misinterpret what it says. Or maybe I'm misinterpreting it and sounding like a fool. Whatever, that's a tangent.

In case you're wondering here's some stuff about me.

I like my space, but don't take that the wrong way. It just means you won't ever have to worry about anything of mine encroaching on your half of the room. But if we become good friends, that statement doesn't matter, because I'm sure both of our things will be all over the room and we'll be borrowing each others clothes and stuff like every girl does with her friend. However, I will warn you right now. I do have a "beast mode", that you can ask anyone who knows me about, and they will testify that after a certain point, if I have not had enough sleep, I will bite your head off. Don't worry though, it will be a clean bite, practically painless. I also have a decent sense of humor.

I'm a pretty good listener and I consider myself easy to get along with, for the most part. You have to really go out of your way to tick me off and get me to not like you. There are really only three things that really irritate me: 1) you talk way too much about really stupid things, 2) you're always negative and trying to use me as a shoulder to cry on, and 3) you like to pick fights with me. If you're any of those three things, I'm warning you now, I'm going to request a room change. So please, don't take it personally... look at it like good advice. Oh, and if you're some creepy cultist or satanist, we will not be staying in the same room. Sorry.

I like doing well at things, and because you're at college too, I'm going to take the liberty to assume you're the same to some degree. If I have some huge test to study for and you're trying to get me to go listen to some underground band that will never make it, don't waste your time. Well, I take that back. I hope you always try, because I want to have fun too, and you might just have to force me to relax so I don't die. I'll do the same for you.

So I just reread this and I'm making myself sound like a prim-and-proper jerk. I'm not, really, I'm not. I love laughing over silly jokes and if you're upset I'll always be the first one to try and cheer you up in the least annoying way possible. I'm a very adaptable person— if you like quiet, I'll be quiet; if you're loud, I'll be loud... and then tell you to shut up and chuck a pillow at your head, while laughing because I'm not really serious. I like to read and write and sing and I try to play the piano sometimes but it doesn't always work out. If you're shy, I'm going to talk to you, but all you have to do is tell me to stop and I'll leave you alone. I'm big on respect, and it works like a two-way street: I respect you and you respect me. If you catch me watching you the first week or so, it's because I am, but not in a creepy way (which I hope you understand!). I love to observe people, and the best way I'm going to get to know you is if I watch how you operate. So don't freak out, por favor.

At this point you're probably thinking that you need to switch rooms. I don't blame you.

Your potential future roommate,
Kristina

El Futuro

I love writing in future-tense. When I close my eyes to look at it, everything seems bold and brassy when I know what's going on. It can be clean and beautiful and so solid that I'm waiting to dive into the ocean; whether or not I have a life vest doesn't seem to matter. But then it can be like smoky glass, twisted into a dazzling figurine, opaque and mysterious. That's when I want the life jacket. 

I got accepted to UNC Chapel Hill. I've been looking at facts and figures, filling out FAFSA's and printing out scholarships, checking out dorm rooms and trying to get everything organized. My dad and I sat down for six hours today, just working the system. Crazy stuff. 

It's late, which means that my imagination is just getting started. I don't care whether this gets read or not— I simply must let out this glorious explosion of feelings inside me into words, into English, into future-tense. When I close my eyes I see beautiful things, wonderful places. I see blue skies that are so bright and crystalline that they make my eyes water simply imagining them. I see wide fields so green that they're like fresh dill or celery, crunchy and bittersweet, smelling of the earth and something alive and present. Have you ever opened yourself up to it? And I mean really, truly let down your guard and let your senses overwhelm everything around you? I can hardly breathe enough to explain it; it's like letting God awaken all of the musty things inside of me that get trapped up by daily routines and rituals, and things just sort of get swept out so that everything is refreshed, renewed, and clean. Goodness, have you ever thought of the billions and trillions of stars out there? Galaxies and force fields and planets and eternity. How are we the only ones? And here we are on this little planet, thinking that we matter, thinking we're important. How ridiculous! Right now I'm smelling daisies and roses and I'm sitting in the shade of some fragrant pine tree, and there's a wind whispering into my ear and it's so delightful. There's a salt smell because the ocean is nearby, and in the distance you can hear birds and something magnetic that's pulling you in, pulling you deeper, and you can't resist it. It's too good, too pure. It's the best memory you've ever had, playing through your mind. There's music playing that's sweet and soothing, and you close your eyes and listen to it's shades. There are colors dancing and waves crashing and the sun is warm, warm, and delicious against your skin. Yellow is all around you and blue and it's invigorating! Just wrap yourself in it. Angles are singing, you're dancing under these pine trees, God is good, oh so very good. Things are how they should be, whole and together. Maybe this is worship. Oh, worship! 

O.C. (4)-- Again. This is crazy.

I really can't believe it. God, are you writing these for me?! I mean honestly, it's almost creeping me out, except it's too wonderful and amazing to be creepy. Everything I've been reading these past couple days has fallen into place, it seems... and of course I am being cautious about it, but I almost can't believe how clearly Your voice is coming through the haze, whether by a sermon (two of them, actually), the daily devotional, Unto Full Stature, or the book of Jeremiah... I'm awed. 

Have You Ever Been Alone with God? (2)

When He was alone... the twelve asked Him about the parable— Mark 4:10

His Solitude with Us: When God gets us alone through suffering, heartbreak, temptation, disappointment, sickness, or by thwarted desires, a broken friendship, or a new friendship— when He gets us absolutely alone, and we are totally speechless, unable to ask even one question, then He begins to teach us. Notice Jesus Christ's training of the Twelve. It was the disciples, not the crowd outside, who were confused. His disciples constantly asked Him questions, and He constantly explained things to them, but they didn't understand until after they received the Holy Spirit (see John 14:26). 

As you journey with God, the only thing He intends to be clear is the way He deals with your soul. The sorrows and difficulties in the lives of others will be absolutely confusing to you. We think we understand another person's struggle until God reveals the same shortcomings in our lives. There are vast areas of stubbornness and ignorance the Holy Spirit has to reveal in each of us, but it can only be done when Jesus gets us alone. Are we alone with Him now? Or are we more concerned with our own ideas, friendships, and cares for our bodies? Jesus cannot teach us anything until we quit all our intellectual questions and get alone with Him.