"Hi, I'm ________!"

Dear Future College Roommate,

You scare the crap out of me, just to let you know. Sort of, anyway. Because I have no control over who you are, or where you've come from, or what you like to do. For all I know, you're going to be coming into the dorm each night at one a.m., smelling like alcohol and/or cigarettes, maybe with some random guy who isn't even your boyfriend. My hair is already standing on end. Are tasers allowed on campus? I don't mean to alarm you... actually that's a lie, I hope I'm alarming you so much that you'll think better of being my roommate and stay with someone else! But hey, I'm getting way ahead of myself. And I'll bet all of the above is just a poor assumption that is completely incorrect (hopefully).

I hope that, above all else, you love God. That's basically the ONLY thing I hope for, because if you truly love Jesus, then I won't have to worry about anything unlawful happening. Someone, I think St. Augustine maybe, said "Love God, do as you please." I love that quote, but so many people misinterpret what it says. Or maybe I'm misinterpreting it and sounding like a fool. Whatever, that's a tangent.

In case you're wondering here's some stuff about me.

I like my space, but don't take that the wrong way. It just means you won't ever have to worry about anything of mine encroaching on your half of the room. But if we become good friends, that statement doesn't matter, because I'm sure both of our things will be all over the room and we'll be borrowing each others clothes and stuff like every girl does with her friend. However, I will warn you right now. I do have a "beast mode", that you can ask anyone who knows me about, and they will testify that after a certain point, if I have not had enough sleep, I will bite your head off. Don't worry though, it will be a clean bite, practically painless. I also have a decent sense of humor.

I'm a pretty good listener and I consider myself easy to get along with, for the most part. You have to really go out of your way to tick me off and get me to not like you. There are really only three things that really irritate me: 1) you talk way too much about really stupid things, 2) you're always negative and trying to use me as a shoulder to cry on, and 3) you like to pick fights with me. If you're any of those three things, I'm warning you now, I'm going to request a room change. So please, don't take it personally... look at it like good advice. Oh, and if you're some creepy cultist or satanist, we will not be staying in the same room. Sorry.

I like doing well at things, and because you're at college too, I'm going to take the liberty to assume you're the same to some degree. If I have some huge test to study for and you're trying to get me to go listen to some underground band that will never make it, don't waste your time. Well, I take that back. I hope you always try, because I want to have fun too, and you might just have to force me to relax so I don't die. I'll do the same for you.

So I just reread this and I'm making myself sound like a prim-and-proper jerk. I'm not, really, I'm not. I love laughing over silly jokes and if you're upset I'll always be the first one to try and cheer you up in the least annoying way possible. I'm a very adaptable person— if you like quiet, I'll be quiet; if you're loud, I'll be loud... and then tell you to shut up and chuck a pillow at your head, while laughing because I'm not really serious. I like to read and write and sing and I try to play the piano sometimes but it doesn't always work out. If you're shy, I'm going to talk to you, but all you have to do is tell me to stop and I'll leave you alone. I'm big on respect, and it works like a two-way street: I respect you and you respect me. If you catch me watching you the first week or so, it's because I am, but not in a creepy way (which I hope you understand!). I love to observe people, and the best way I'm going to get to know you is if I watch how you operate. So don't freak out, por favor.

At this point you're probably thinking that you need to switch rooms. I don't blame you.

Your potential future roommate,
Kristina