A Little Longer

I don't know why I'm writing a blog. I have tons of homework and studying I could be doing at 11:28 p.m. So why am I wasting my time writing a blog? 

Because it keeps me sane, that's why. 

Classes are hard. My AP classes are about to overtake me. Especially US History and Stats. Both of my teachers told the class we were going to fail straight up. How encouraging. I am scared of the history exam. I really think this might be the first time in my life where I will fail a major test. 

Work has improved, I am happy to say. I wish I did not work this weekend, because I am losing valuable, precious study time, but I can't change it, so I just have to find the time to study around it. That's what everything is all about anyways. Working around things; climbing over, skirting, digging beneath, flying through. What gets you around, right? 

The fast is good for me. I rely on God heavily. I am building trust. 

It's hard to believe school is almost over and I'll be a senior. A senior? Give me kindergarten or give me college. Not another year of high school, please. I sound like that stupid Thomas man from colonial history, foolishly yelling "Give me liberty or give me death!" The Federalist's didn't like him anyways. Isn't it funny how that's a famous quote now? And the guy who said it was considered a lunatic at the time. 

It's grueling, it is. But I'm thankful for it. How will I be refined without going through the fire? 

My friends-- I pray for you. I love you. Truly and honestly. You are important to me. Please don't be alone in yourselves, some of you. Others, I pray for your joy. All of you, I thank God for. These are difficult times in our lives, that's an obvious duh statement. So let's come together. 

Today I got up at 12:30. I sat in the sun for a long time. Then, I went to work and got home at 11:30. 

Beautiful, I'll never leave your side.

Let me take you by the hand,

Wipe away the tears you cry.

The growing ocean shares so many colours

Of these brilliant shades,

Just close your eyes and let

These waters take you out, Sweep you away.

I watch you rise up every morning,

See you pray and humbly seek

My strength, my solace in the sunlight

Let me fill you when you're weak.

Each starry sky, each crystal light

Cannot describe my shining love

For you, my daughter, let me hold you,

Until the end, the end of

Time. 

Time is a washing machine. You throw in everything you have to get done, all the dirt, all the mess, and all the stains. The dirt of the drudgery of every-day living, the mess that you've made of it that can only possibly be made clean, and the stains of things that you're heart has held onto when the machine has failed to do it's job properly. Then the washer does its work, by soaking things through, agitating with suds, and sucking out the filthy remains to leave everything not a little damp. And when it's damp, it's useless. 

Today begins the fast.

But I just want everything to be slow.

Fading Away (Picture Frame)

(Sassy. Jazzy.)

There's a lake by the house from a summer ago,

It's white-washed walls are dazzling with a radiant glow

Our faces are so brown they called you Indian child,

We were laughing, it was hot, and everything grew so wild.

Now that photo is aging

In this silver picture frame.

Though that house is still standing

I can see you're not the same.

You're fading away like the stars in the morning

Fading away like sun when it storming

You're drifting away like the leaves in the fall

I can hear you in the whisper of the winds quiet call.

You're fading away like the blush of a new dawn

Fading away like the last line of this song

Drifting away like the tides of the sea

You came crashing in 

And now you've slipped out of my reach. 

Yeah, you're fading. 

If my voice made an echo it would be black and white

And you're eyes would be enlightened by these small words tonight.

But when I think about the ways I thought this world could satisfy

I watch you slowly growing fainter in the whirl of desire. 

Now this hope of mine's dimming.

It's the end of this spinning.

When the call finally came

I watched you walk out of this frame.

You're fading away like the life from an old man

Fading like the time in an hourglass full of sand

You're drifting away like watercolor in a jar

It doesn't matter where you go cuz I can't see where you are.

You're fading away like the spark of a candle

Fading like a dying fire's glow on the mantle.

You're drifting away like a thief in the night

You stole away my soul

I guess that was my sacrifice.

Yeah, you're fading.