Passion for He Who Made Us

"Let your will be done (in my life)

Let your will be done (in my life)..."

My thoughts are very jumbled. They feel like yards and yards of twine that have been rolled up and twisted and I can't find they ends. Father, bring clarity. You are a God of order, not confusion. And Lord, I feel the intense needs to talk to you, such as I've never felt before. I can feel the tug at my soul to be with you, walk with you, ask you everything and wait for you, day-by-day. Father your word is a lamp unto my feet and a guide to my path... I trust you. Enlighten me, Abba, and yet keep me in your place of humility and gratitude constantly. "As the deer pants for the water brooks, So my soul pants for You, oh God." (Psm. 42:1)

Daylight, and you splash earth with dew, 

Lord the painting of creation sings of You,

Every cloud rimmed with gold in the sun,

Every light-flecked ocean, every day filled with fun,

God your joy makes all creation sing, 

Father, you're in everything. 

And every star in the sky knows your face, 

Jesus every season portrays your beautiful grace, 

In every crunch of leaves, you're whisper stays,

Every sweet spring wind holds your breath in it's place

Yes creation testifies to what you bring,

Father you're in everything. 

Everything, all that we are

God is for you. 

For you. 

Polarity

So. 

It's been a while. Too long, in fact. We almost never talk. Well, I take that back. We talk, but it's not good. It's wishy-washy and I sometimes even fall asleep; sometimes I cry to you (which has been happening too much lately) but I'm having this listening problem. I think I fill up your ears and can't hear you talk over my own talking. It's a problem. 

So let's talk. 

I've been doing much thinking lately (surprise!) on what we feel is "fair" to us. It was probably spurred by the message a while back, but even afterwards there have been numerous things come up that have twisted my mind back to those points. Like, we have no rights. What are our rights to you? We have no sense of "fair". What is fair to you? And because we have no rights and are owed no fairness, who are we to judge, accuse others of judging, or force someone else to take sides? Who are we to choose which side we are on? We are chosen- we don't chose. 

This whole discipleship thing... well I understood that it was going to be hard but now I understand it's implications. A bad tree bears bad fruit, period, end of story. And when you said the world would have no interest in us (wasn't it Paul who said that because his interest in the world had died, it's interest in him had died, also?) I didn't realize that the "world" means our world. Our day-to-day life world. The term "world" is so relative. I think people don't understand quite what Paul was saying because they don't realize what "world" stands for. My world is my friends. My family. My goals and my dreams and my teachers and my peers. You're saying those things will despise me when I strive to live for you? Hm. I thought they loved me... wouldn't they want me to throw in the towel on this world and become yours alone? You said the son of man does not live on bread alone, but on the word of God. That means I should need nothing else but you. Wow... that's a revelation.... there's a light bulb over my head and I hear the hallelujah chorus. 

I'm going to start being very selfish in my relationship with you. You demand first place. And it's a tough thing to adhere to and I am sure there are going to be many, many failures on my behalf. But please, see my heart. Encourage me and strengthen me for you're glory, the sake of your name.... not for me. I want to point others to you. I don't want to cary them. I don't want to push them. I don't want to have to defend you because you are bigger than all of my defensiveness... you don't need me to stick up for you. You don't need me at all- but you love me. Tell me that's not life-changing in and of itself! 

Here's another idea that just popped into my mind. If I find myself in you, if I'm reborn in you, if I say you are in me, then my whole identity is in you. Which means that the only opinion I should care about is yours, and if I'm following your lead and someone else doesn't like it, they can deal. You're leading them, you're leading me... we're not leading each others. What you're doing in me is not what you're doing in someone else and visa versa. I can't see what you're doing in someone else's heart just as they can't see what you're doing in mine. Which brings me full circle back to judgement. IF we are so focused on you as we should be, we shouldn't be so concerned with how someone else sees us, because we know we are in you and you are in us. 

And one last thought. 

We were never meant to change through someone else's eyes. As in, it is not someone else's duty to tell us what we're doing wrong and how to fix ourselves, because they could very well be wrong. It would be the "blind leading the blind." How does someone else accept the responsibility of telling another how to get their act together? You're the only one in charge of changing people's hearts and attitudes. And praise be to you for that! I have seen myself screw things up too many times trying to help someone that you are trying to work on all along. I have messed things up in my own life by thinking that another human being could help me! It never works- we were born to fail in order to prove our deep need of you in our lives. 

Lord, the one thing I have learned is that mine and yours relationship is a day-to-day thing. I have to work these things out every day. It's not a checklist. That's the hard part. 

I love you. Let's talk more often. 

On Wings Like Eagles.

You, said that you

Only did what Father asked of you. 

And you, you knew it wouldn't do,

To give sympathy when clarity was due. 

You took their hungry hearts like you take mine,

You lifted up their eyes to give them life. 

When you spread out your arms to the sky, 

Your blood was shed so I would not run dry,

Jesus, your shoulders are stronger than mine,

And I know you never called me to try

To carry the world, when that's why you died. 

Now I, I know I was made,

To spread your glory and to praise your name.

Yet I, I try to take your place,

Try to make my own decisions

And be other's saving grace. 

But you lead me and you purify my heart, 

Through the fire and the flame I see

How glorious you are. 

When you spread out your arms to the sky

Your blood was shed so I would not run dry

Jesus, your shoulders are stronger than mine

And I know you never called me to try

To carry this world, when that's why you died. 

For your love, Oh Father your love,

It's your love, Oh Lord, your unfailing love...