Five minutes ago will pass in five minutes from now...

I've often wondered about prayer. Not how to pray or what it consists of or what it means, but it's power. Something that really blows my mind is the thought of praying for the past. Because God always answers prayer in some form, and God's time is not our time. Nothing is impossible for God, and He already knows what we're going to pray... so does the influence what happens before we pray for it? It's like changing your past by your future. How strange to think about! Like sometimes I'll pray about things and find out later that the situation I was praying for had already occurred by the time my prayer started. So I wonder if the prayer I said whole-heartedly, without the knowledge that what I was praying for had already passed, had an effect of what happened earlier. Does that make sense? Like would things have gone differently if I hadn't ended up praying that specific prayer? I don't know, but I wonder.

I love this song.

"Question" (verb): to inquire, doubt

My mom has always teased me about my knack for getting into trouble. You see, I have a problem with asking too much. Wanting to know everything and why. 

Once, we were at the hair salon and I asked the stylist how old she was. Besides my mother being mortified, the lady gave me a lecture on how it was rude to ask a woman their age. Another time, we were at the doctors office, because my mom had a nasal infection. As the doctor preformed his examination, I asked him if he liked looking up people's noses for a living. That wasn't too good either. A year ago my dad went in for an cat-scan to make sure his MS wasn't getting worse. As I waited for him, I asked a lady how she was doing because she looked a little downcast. I got her life story for an hour and a half (no joke-- her father was dying and her brother was a truck driver with three kids and he hadn't gotten married yet, and she wasn't sure what he was going to do with his life. They lived in Iowa). 

Of course, when I was younger, it wasn't always apparent to me that there were proper and improper questions to ask. I looked at everything with the innocent curiosity that overcomes every child and opened my mouth whenever it seemed necessary. That curiosity never left, but it has become increasingly clear that I am no longer able to ask the questions that I feel need to be answered. When I do ask, they are pushed aside, ignored, or answered so vaguely that I might as well have never at asked at all. Or worse, I am given the reasons why I shouldn't be asking. 

Is it too much to want the truth? To need it? To thrive off of it? No one seems to have any answers. Yes, I know, God has all the answers I will ever need. But God doesn't seem to be flashing any neon signs in my face or even sending coded messages in bottles. Has anyone ever thought that maybe God would give me answers by speaking through other people? But if these people refuse to listen to or answer my questions, then I'm no better off than I was at the beginning. 

My parents say I am too gullible. I don't think this is true. I never take anything at face value. When someone tells me something, I always question it and act like what they're saying is a lie to test their truth. It makes it seems like I believe the opposite of what they're saying, but that's not it. It is only that I never want to be the one to stumble because I took someone's words for granted. I want something solid to stand on; save you're jell-o for kindergarten. 

I have big questions about God. About living out my faith. Questions about church and people I love and "how to deal" or react or speak. I have questions about honesty. I have questions about why no one wants to listen to my questions. Am I annoying? Am I stupid? Are the answers in front of my face? If so, please, don't hesitate to call me out on my ignorance, I beg of  you! 

When I don't know what I'm dealing with I become afraid. If I have truth in answers, I can conquer almost anything. All of the puzzle pieces will fit together so neatly if I can gather them up. An incomplete puzzle drives me crazy. 

Why did you really leave?

What does the authority really think? Why call?

When does He/It overtake you? 

How can I be so sure?

What defines it? 

Who are you and why can't I reach you?

What gives you this power/do you really have it?

Revival?

Why don't I have answers.

Why doesn't someone be REAL.