Hello, readers. I've missed thee.
I can almost feel the onslaught of pent up and pushed back thoughts that are itching to come out in a blog, things that I haven't had time to sit down and diagnose, things that have been repressed in the corners of my authoretic heart (authoretic is not a word, but I hereby declare it one by necessity of speech), things that only words could truly and honestly release by painting out expression into neat little black blocks of letters. Words, wonderful words. Yes, it is good to be back.
First semester of college is almost over. Classes end Wednesday (can I get an amen?) and my exams are sporadic, finishing up next Thursday. I go home this week and don't come back for almost a full month. I won't lie, Chapel Hill has been... quite the experience, thus far. Wow. Just thinking back over the events that have taken place is enough to make my head spin. Who am I now, in comparison to the little girl that came to college at the end of August? Not to say I'm all grown up now, not in the least, but a little wiser for wear, if you know what I mean. And maybe a little worse for wear, too, but that's to be expected in some way, shape, or form.
If I have learned one thing, it would be... well scratch that, I could never come up with just one thing. If I have learned anything, it would be that I am not the "good person" I thought I was. There is no such thing as a good, perfect person. I am not on a pedestal, I am not worthy, I am nothing. In the kingdom of heaven I am of no value but through the precious redemption, forgiveness, and sanctification of Christ Jesus. I am fully capable of making mistakes; I am nothing, and when I think I am, I am only deceiving myself and being a hypocrite to the world. Luke always teases me about being a "Carolina girl in a Carolina world." Let me tell you, there is a sharp, biting truth in that tease! I don't want to be that. I don't want to choose my life over God. I don't want to be selfish, or fiercely independent, or uncompromising, or stubborn, or proud or self-righteous. I don't want anything but His grace exhibited in my futile life. I want to TELL people that His love is all-sufficing, all-encompassing, ALL. I want to live a life of humility in Jesus, in His arms, in his perfect, beautiful Love. Forget all of my desires and everything that I, Kristina Lorraine Weeks, want for myself, for my life. His Will is my ultimate goal. My utmost for His highest.
I am excited for this Christmas season, but I'm also excited for the next semester. My flesh wants to be anxious about what happens after that— where will I be this summer, next year, in the years to come? Who will be with me and who will be left behind? Who will I be, and who will I become? But the Spirit pushes it aside and gives me a confidence in Christ that is unparalleled by any fear or misgiving that I have. "Tell me, what is our ending? Will it be beautiful, so beautiful? Will my life find me by Your side? Because Your Love is beautiful, so beautiful."
It is still possible to find fire in the valley. I'm sure the burning bush wasn't on top of a mountain— How do you know what an oasis is unless you've been in the desert? Being passionate is being sure when there is hardly anything to be sure about. Living a life sold out is just that: being sold out. Is that comprehensible? How can I sell my life out, give of myself, and hold on to nothing, offering it all as a sweet, sweet sacrifice to my Lord and Savior?
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