Why do people push each other closer to hell.
And then, and then, and then, just when I want to say the most, just at what appears to be the most opportune moment— I have no words. None. I can't think of a single thing to say that would point to Jesus, lead to hope, offer encouragement or truth. It scares me when that happens. I feel helpless but I have to believe that even in my undesirable silence God is working, and that for some reason unbeknownst to me, He shut my mouth on purpose.
I dislike the way things are going with the people around me who don't know Jesus. Do you ever feel like a failure when it comes to "making disciples"? I'm struggling to get people to listen, to understand, to feel, to whatever, much less make them into a disciple. There are opportunities everywhere I go, in almost everyone I meet, with practically every conversation I step into, and it frustrates the daylights out of me because I never know what to say or how to say it. Like Sarah. I really like this girl, we're friends, she's incredibly intelligent and in my 1st and 4th block. She's an atheist who seems like she could be open to "Jesus-talk" because she asks questions but why haven't I made any progress? And then there's Nick, in 2nd block, who tells me he likes to talk to me about things he wouldn't tell anyone else but he's so closed to God because he's logical and it "didn't work when he read the Bible, prayed, and went to church." Yet he says he wishes all of his friends were Christian's, in case it was real... I don't even know where to begin with him because he's a genius. And Ryan, who is the epitome of oxymoron, who will go to church when he feels like it, questions everything about anything, and says no matter how great Jesus was (if he was even real) he still loves his parents way more and doesn't understand God if He were to exist like I try to explain. And then Joe... he's a strange case. Last week he brought in a whole binder of atheist views and contradictions in the Bible and quizzed and prodded me for a good thirty minutes before the teacher told him to shut up.
It's really irritating. Considering it's the end of the school year and it seems like I've gotten no where. And yes, I know it's not my job to save anyone and I'm not called to take on the world, but something, anything, knowing that I've planted a seed or done something useful for the Lord would be nice. I know I haven't done enough, haven't prayed enough, haven't interceded enough, read enough.
Oh, and my future roommate? Not a Christian. She's not sure what she believes and is not opposed to the idea or to church, even, from what I gather... I really am surrounded by non believers and I have no idea what to do with it. I feel like I'm blowing my opportunities.
And then there's mirror-girl, who's only looking at what she wants through the glass, unattainable and distant, until everything breaks as she lashes out in... what? Anger? Despair?
And for some reason I have no words for her, either. I can only cry with compassion and a God-shaped burden and wait.
5 comments:
Make it your mission to do His and nothing less... I guarantee that you've planted more seeds than you believe, whether or not they mature is in God's Hands. Could you honestly wish for anything better? Don't ever lose hope in those people because... well... I suppose it would be far too simple. Haha.
By the way, God-Shaped burden is too oxymoronic for me. I prefer to say a "human-shaped burden... with a picture of God far too vast to be personalized and cookie-cut to that shape for their understanding". Then again, just me...
God spoke in the silence, so you should continue to spectate if that is how you are called. The 'undesirable silence' is just the down time until God is going to use you and Speak. The virtue here? Of course, it is patience ;]
I'm praying for you. Constantly. With heart, in confidence.
You care.
You could choose to ignore, therefore leaving nothing, no mark, no impression, but instead, you care. So they will remember you, they will remember God in you.
I'm not good at talking about this, and I'm not saying that you should settle, but don't let any of this discourage you.
Compassion is a gift. Love is a gift, the greatest spiritual gift of all.
And the word verification on this puppy is totally 'traysit'--that could be a verb. Like sitting on a tray.. hrm.
One day at a time...We live our lives and He plants, waters and causes the growth. I wish I could tell you how many times I have been in your position only to find out later what an impact I had. LOL
Let your light shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify God.
We will only know on the other side of eternity. Be encouraged
You are moving, and that's more than I can say for most Christians, including myself. You are making yourself appear different, not just appear but really stand-out (I can appear, anyone Christian can appear different, but it takes someone to really stand different to be affective to others), for a purpose, and for a mission. Notice how, atleast two of the people you mentioned (I don't know about the others) are staying in your life after highschool. That's purpose, and that's God's movement.
We've talked about how words aren't one of your top love languages (people giving you words) so over the computer, I'm giving you a big hug! :)
my word is fooso..it's funny.
K
We have different styles with this. I think right now I'm trying to figure out how to live a lifestyle of Love, and that working that whole thing out in my mind is confusing. At this point, I'm not feeling very effective, at least not with strangers.
You are going straight old-school, and it's getting His name out there in a good way, and I couldn't be more proud.
Nick taught me so much, about things he didn't even know he was teaching me. He taught me how to be humble, how to make my faith a real part of me and to not separate it from any other part of me... I don't know how to explain that. After knowing him, I felt conviction to live what I say I believe, and to live it in such a tangible way that it was noticeable.
Here I go rambling about myself. I came here to say that I'm proud of you, and that they can look back and facebook you when they get to a point where they say Hey I have some real questions, and Hey I need you.
And you'll be there.
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