See a girl and our eyes meet
She does her best to smile at me
And hide what's underneath.
There's a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He's out of work, he's buying time.
All those people, going somewhere,
Why have I never cared?
Give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me your love for humanity.
Give me your arms for the brokenhearted
The ones that are just beyond my reach
Give me your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me your eyes so I can see."
--"Give me your eyes" Brandon Heath
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It's hard to write whatever it is you're feeling when you're blog is public to EVERYTHING you want to write about. A blog is suppose to bring freedom to the writer, in a sense, but all it really does is give the reader the ability to become offended and assume and really, all in all, restricts the writer from writing about whatever he or she wants because she has to think about all the potential viewers.
There are days when my flesh wants to eat me alive, if that makes sense. I'm so tired of trying to figure out what I'm "suppose to be". What college am I suppose to go to? What am I suppose to major in? What kind of scholarships do I match the criteria for? What friends should I have? Where do I draw the line? God: this is so hard. And it's summer! It's not suppose to be hard! Right?
Actually, I really don't care about readers right now. I am just going to talk to myself. Childish me.
This is what has been going through my mind:
1) College, majors, potential future careers, scholarship opportunities.
2) God. I need to put Him first but I am going to be honest and show you and the world that the first thing that came to my head was college and not God. There's problem numero uno.
3) My relationships with others, and potential relationships. I am a "pour-er out-er". And I want to be able to give myself equally to everyone and I can only do that with so many people before I stretch too thin. I want to be nice and friendly to everyone, of course. But I am realizing that I can only have a small group that I can really give myself to. ¿Comprendé?
4) I love my family. My daddy just had surgery today. Pray for him.
5) I am concerned for my friend and her friend. I'm not sure which one I'm concerned for more.
6) Raquel: thank you again for coffee and forgiveness and a listening ear.
7) I've been really, really getting into Bible history and such lately. Theology? It's so cool.
8) Ashton I love you girl. Your new friendship is beyond words.
Lalalalalalalalala.
2 comments:
I feel the same way about college and friends and all of that. It's so hard and confusing. I've been visiting colleges this week and I want to take pieces of them all and throw them together to build my dream college. And as far as majors is concerned, I am going to be a triple major: nutrition, psychology, and creative writing, while on a pre-med track. Chyeah. I have no idea. Do you want to go and visit some more places with me? It's sort of fun going on walking tours.
I miss you, girl. I feel like I haven't seen you/talked to you in forever! I miss your awesomeness. You are an amazing, talented woman of God, and you have so much potential to do so many different things! God is going to bless you no matter what. There is no such thing as a wrong decision because everything happens for a reason. If you pick a major that you aren't really digging a semester later, you were on track to do that so you could learn something. If you end up in a job that you're not really feeling, it's to build character and show you what you want in a job. God'll show you the way. And you'll know.
I'm free after 5 on Saturday. I have to wake up to corral the little kiddies at church the next morning, but its cool. Want to get some coffee or something?
And I'm touring Meredith in the near future if you're interested in signing up to do that with me.
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