Something Worth Fighting For.

"Love is not a place To come and go as we please It's a house we enter in, and then commit To never leave." That's pretty strong. And it's also incredibly true. This song, by Warren Barfield, randomly came to mind today— or perhaps not so randomly?— and the verse really made me start to think. I have told people I love them all my life— I love to love people, no joke. At first I was quite critical; did I mean it, was it honest, was it pure, was it different? Are there different kinds of love to refer to? And more importantly, have I loved in a way that Christ does? I have told people I loved them and been flippant about it. But there are people to whom I have said "Hey, you know, I really do love you," and I mean it every time I say it and I meant it every time I said it. That sort of love, coming from me personally, does not change with time, or circumstance, or the temperature of the relationship, whether hot or cold. Because like the song says, love is a commitment that endures time and hurt and struggle and present emotional upheavals. Friends have come in and come out, but the fact that they may now be "out" or "in" does not change the fact that I love them the same. And it hurts (understatement!) when those people come back and say "you lied. you never loved me." Oh, but I didn't lie! I didn't lie. I make mistakes and choices that may overshadow the fact that I love you, for a time, but intentional cruelty has never existed. Love protects and love makes hard decisions, as I've said so many times before, and decisions I've made I have made with a heart longing for the Lord, listening for Him and His direction. I am not sorry for them. I am confident in how God has lead me and despite indifference I've shown it was out of necessity and I still, I still, I still love you. No matter where we are (or aren't).

Some people are careful with the word love and I am in complete understanding of where they're coming from— no one wants to be cheap or short-changed. But when I love people, I love them, and I tell them. I let them know that I love them and I love doing things for them, listening to them, spending time with them. The best sort of love, though, is mutual. One-sided love is the most difficult (understatement again!) thing I have ever experienced, and most of the time, the other person doesn't even realize it. Not really. They might be too busy trying to win sympathy or a shoulder stronger than their own, and it turns into dependency or complete attachment... no accusations here, I've done it myself. Or they may be preoccupied. Or they may not even know how to love and I can't teach them... and I've probably done a bad job at showing them how. But despite these flaws, the truth remains— I did, I do, and I will continue to love... you and everyone else.

I need to quit trying to explain myself. Haha.

Oh! And my heart says...

Saints at a Curtain Call.

And so, when the curtain has made its last call

And you're no longer facing the crowd,

Will you stand in the darkness behind the thick velvet

And wait for the noise to die down,

Looking around as the silence gets loud

Realizing the show's finally over—

Brother, welcome to life being sober.

For it's about time—

That I see when I'm down on my physical knees

I'm a Saint on my spiritual feet.

And though the desert has never been so bitter as now,

The River of Life is so sweet

And it's about time...

It's the job at the station that keeps him,

It's the lie that she doesn't want to face,

It's the arguments, fear, and the lion at bay

That is keeping them from getting to grace,

So the curtain is closing up a little more space

And they realize that it's almost over—

Dear, welcome to a life being sober.

But now it's about time—

That they see when they're down on their physical knees

They are Saints on their spiritual feet,

Though the desert has never been so bitter as now

They're gonna find the River so sweet,

And it's about time...

To stop faking, stop trying,

Dear it's time, you can't buy it,

You're lying and it's out of your hands.

Cut the act, stop the script,

Don't you play unequipped,

You're no seller, so follow the Plan—

Because you know when you're down on your physical knees

You're a Saint on your spiritual feet,

And it's only when you've pushed the world far away

That the flesh and Perfection can meet...