Obedience is a 9 letter word.

Want to know something really strange about me? I have all of my major epiphanies in the shower. No joke— any time I've ever had any sort of revelation, I've been in the shower, washing my hair. Even some of my most intimate prayers have been while showering; strange, I know. Maybe God is trying to tell me something... cleanliness really is close to Godliness! Ha, just kidding. (I promise, this has a point, just stick with me for a second.)

So tonight, after I ate dinner, I decided to take a shower, hoping for a revelation and feeling a mix of foolishness and hopefulness. I don't know if I really had a revelation per say, but I did get some things straightened out. It's really been a long time coming— have you ever heard something over and over, and wonder why this is being repeated to you until God finally takes the "scales" off of your eyes and you say oh! well maybe that really was something I needed to hear. And it's so funny how everything falls in place at just the right moment, and then you can really see that it wasn't meant to be revealed even a minute sooner. 

This repetition in my life has been the whole "spiritual introspection" concept. For the past few weeks, the sermons at church have all touched on 2 Corinthians 13:5, which talks about examining yourself. Not other people (which is what tonight's half sermon was about!). So anyway, this popped into my mind as I was rinsing shampoo out of my hair. I need some serious examination. I mean, I've been really blind— Adell, isn't this what you've been preaching to me? On a side note, I remember when I was in 5th grade I got a bad grade on some quiz, and my dad said "Kristina! Wake up and smell the coffee!" It's always stuck with me, and now is the time to wake up and take a good long whiff of the garbage that's piled up in my life. 

Now, all of you girls know that as soon as you shampoo, you condition, which is no easy process when you have long, thick hair. It takes some serious time to run your fingers through those tangles. So this gave me time to think about the things I need to work out with God, and here's what I came up with. Keep in mind, the following is probably the weirdest analogy you will ever come across in your life, but it just made such sense! One of my most serious problems with the Lord is obedience. At first I fought the thought, because most of the time I see myself as a pretty obedient person, to the point that people walk all over me. But then I had my epiphany, so here goes my analogy: 

The weather has been horrible lately, and you've developed a pretty sick-nasty (picked that expression up from the guys) chest cold. And this thing is bad; you're not only feeling stuffed up, but it feels like a huge brick is settled on your chest, and your ears are plugged, and since your sinus cavities are full your face is puffy. So you decide to go to the pharmacy and pick up some Mucinex like any smart person and try to get all of the congestion out. Have any of you ever taken Mucinex before? Because when you take it, it loosens up all of your congestion, but you still have to cough it up before it really starts working. Anyway, you get the medicine and come home and the directions say to take some every four to six hours and whatnot. You take it and wait. Nothing happens. You can feel the mucus loosening up in your chest and throat, but you say to yourself, "I really don't want to hack this stuff up— that's nasty. I mean, this medicine was suppose to get rid of all of it for me. It must not work." You decide to throw the bottle of medicine away and suffer through the rest of your cold. 

Of course, we think, hopefully no one would be so stupid as to go out and buy Mucinex (or any medicine for that matter) only to give up so quickly and throw it away. Obviously, if they did, they probably didn't read the directions very well. To connect it all together, that's how my obedience trouble is with God. I am trying to live my life for God, and as a result, He's got to "clean out my system", because I'm sick. In order to do this, I have to be obedient to Him and buy the medicine He's prescribed, so to speak. But taking the medicine is only the first part. I have to continue to "hack up" everything and get it out, until it's all gone, even though it's nasty and I really don't want to do it. God gave me the solution, but accepting that solution is only step one. Following through (which requires work on our part!) is the make-it-break-it. I'm sorry, by the way, if that just totally grossed you out. 

The thing is, I'm going to keep having to look for these things. I KNOW that this is only the first of a long list of "black spots" on my heart that God is going to have to point out, and together we'll clean them up, with His power and my obedience. 

Good thing I don't have to take another shower until tomorrow. 

Statue

Choose me to choose you, 

But dear, I never wanted to lose you.

That will never be believed,

It doesn't matter—

I don't say it to deceive. 

If you choose to have deaf ears,

Discreet discretion isn't fear

(Who is lurking in the corner

Of the former)

Why say what won't be heard?

It's the two of you that I can't make

See daylight. 

Living in your own eternal

Twilight. 

And I'll gladly find it on my own,

He can only get to me when I'm alone. 

It's not the words I didn't say, 

But what you said to me 

That made me lose my voice. 

"Pick up your cross" is my better choice. 

Because love makes hard decisions

Yet I'll face open derision 

When you're close enough to know His voice

I don't have to question what I've done

We're breaking dawn

Here comes the sun. 

I don't need confrontation to make you wonder. 

It's pride that's going to force us to go under. 

Carpe Diem

So today I spent the day with my mom and brother, which was nice. We went shopping and stuff. I got Raquel's birthday present, and I hope she likes it. Actually I just hope I finish it in time, haha. I worked on that for a while until dad got home and we ate dinner together, just me and him, because my mom had to go to work and my brother was playing guitar hero or something in his room. Then, I went to Dressbarn to visit my mom, and to try on dresses for fun. And you know, it really was fun. I ended up buying three, because they were all on sale plus my mom gets a discount, so I spent sixty bucks on three really nice dresses. I'll make good use of them during spring break (Ashton girl, you've got some shopping to do!). But there was no one else in the store while I was there except my mom and her manager, Jill, who was really nice and admired all of my escapades and told me what she liked and what she didn't like. I danced around the dressing room to Michael Bublé like a lunatic, pretending I was in a ballroom with some handsome future husband. I'm weird, what can I say? Then I came home and danced in them some more. I love to dance too, no matter how much I suck— who's going to see me? I danced to Brooke Waggoner and the Beatles. HA. Then I showed them to my dad while he watched UNC basketball (he gets irked when I call him a band-wagoner, but seriously, how much did he watch it before this year?) and he admired them too. 

It was sunny today. Sunny and cold, and everything was glinting and shining off of the snow, which is melting at its own luxurious pace. It felt good to be outside, even though all I was doing was shopping. The air smelt like Minnesota, which is a strange thing to say if you've never been there. But it did. Tomorrow is going to be sunny too, and I'm meeting Amanda for breakfast, then going to Mrs Dell's house to chill out, and then to Chick-Fil-A for a training session. I'm looking forward to it all. Then on Friday I work for a little bit, and on Saturday as well. Then I think I'm spending the night at Ashton's house; we'll see. I like working now, and I'm glad it's finally turned out that way. Plus, I like the people I work with, which is such a big plus. 

I guess that's all I have to say for now. Time to go greet mom, since she just walked in the door...