"I Don't Regret" Barlow Girl

They're telling me, 

They're concerned for the way I am living,

That I'll miss it all,

Why should I think that God is that trusting,

I can't explain

All the words He has spoken to my heart

Why I want Him more...

And I don't regret choosing You,

And I'm not ashamed

That it's you who holds my heart. 

Why do we think,

If we trust God too much He will fail us

Nothing has come

When I chose that it's in me I trust,

Separate me, 

You have called out to follow you blindly

I won't fear, you're leading me...

And I don't regret choosing You,

And I'm not ashamed

That it's you who holds my heart. 

You have show my ever wandering heart

What love is

What on earth is more important than to have

All of you? 

Oh I don't regret choosing You

And I'm not ashamed

That it's you who holds my heart. 

A Quick Break...

So I'm working on my senior project and had to take a small breather. I'm on my couch, next to our front window, and I feel compelled to describe to you, my friend, the breathtaking view I'm beholden to. 

Across the street, which is dusky and black, the neighbors have turned on a few Christmas lights; the multi-colored glow of plastic trees looks cheerful and warm, and dimly illuminates the cold evening air with an unusual radiance. As your gaze wanders idly up into the sky, the tree line serenades you with a few straggling fingertips, waving in a chilling breeze, dipping gently back and forth. Beyond them, the sun has finally slipped beneath it's blanketed horizon, and washed the sky with a color so beautiful it makes my eyes tear up. The delicate, precise pinks and oranges resemble a flaming temple, dying slowly into a glowing bed of embers that warm the edge of the world until it's crispy and toasted, blushing as it tells the world goodnight. Finally, the periwinkle sheets come up, oh so softly up and over, until the faint afterglow is merely a wisp beneath the skyline. The modest azure deepens as the comforter is laid out, deep blue and dazzling, and you tilt your head back a little farther and see the first good winter star, winking at you far, far beneath. You imagine the coldness stinging your nose and filling your lungs with sharp, sweet air, underlined with crushed pine straw and rotting leaves, peppermint and someone grilling ribs. The wind whips your hair and brings redness to your cheeks, and you laugh like you've never laughed before because the world is just so wonderful that you have to be a part of it; you must be a part of the wonder because you are so filled with it. Unadulterated joy cascades, unbidden, all around you and sweeps you up into the black, black sky, pinpricked with so many constellations that you imagine God stringing His Christmas lights out just for you to see, sparkling and celebratory... 

And then mom says "Close the blinds, Kristina! The sun is gone." 

Act 3 (Trinity)

"I want to learn about God. That's why I ask." 

Enter student 3. 'You just want to pick a fight.'

Mostly serious but still skeptical "No, really. What has God done for you? Tell me what He's done in your life." 

'I can't tell you because you don't want to hear it. Your... perspective.... is too limited.'

"Uh, I'm a pretty open-minded person."

'But you wouldn't understand the significance of what I would be trying to tell you. You just want to argue and I'm not going to waste my breath.' 

[[Student 3- feel free to correct this dialogue, because my memory isn't well to-day]]

Student two turns back to student one. "Ok, so anyways, [name]... how do I get to be God?"

What? I don't understand your question. 

"Can I be an angel? How do I get to this?"

Woah, wait. You can't be God or an angel. You're human, that's what you were created to be. 

"Why not? You're like, Jesus or something." Cracks up laughing. 

Horrified. No, no! Don't say that! That's blasphemy! 

"What's blasphemy?"

Pauses. What exactly is blasphemy? It's like, speaking against God or the Holy Spirit. Like if you call someone else God or something, that's blasphemy, because you're saying a human being is on the same level as God, which isn't true. Smirks Far from true. 

Smiles "Ok Jesus." 

Student one rolls eyes and grimaces. 

"So really, God's just teasing us." 

What? 

"He's all great and whatnot and we're just here sinners." 

We're suppose to be Christ-like, not Christ. 

"What does God look like? Does He have a face and hands?" 

I think God can look like whatever He wants to look like. But the Bible says we are made in His image, so yes, I think He probably does have a so-called body. 

"Why would I want to follow someone or something that I don't know or understand?" 

I think a more appropriate question would be why would you serve something you fully understood. Why should you have faith in something that you 100% knew, and you could predict all of its action? That would be like following another human being. Pointless. 

Gap in conversation as the teacher directs the class to play a matching game. Student two is silent. 

Talk continues. 

"It's like I want to believe so bad but I just can't. I'm a logical guy. I need to see things and feel things... I don't know about God. I don't believe, but I don't not-believe either." 

Student 3 'There's no in-between. Either you believe or you don't.'

Can I show you a Bible verse?

"Sure."

Flips through Bible to the book of Revelations, chapter 3, verse 15, and begins reading. I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth! You say, 'I am rich. I have everything I want. I don't need a thing!' And you don't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked.... I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference. 

"I don't understand all of it."

It basically says to not be indifferent towards what you believe. 

"Do you have to tell other people about Jesus? Like, is it required?"

It's called the Great Commission. The Bible says 'go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, spreading the Good News...', something along those lines. But telling others also increases your own faith. Like, I'm glad you're questioning me, because it helps me to strengthen my faith and make sure what I believe is really what I believe, because I have to explain it to someone... does that make sense? 

"Yeah. It does. Thinks and says, not rudely, But just because you tell me about it doesn't mean I believe it or whatever. It's something I have to believe for myself." Said as if discovering something. Light bulb. 

Exactly. But I'm planting a seed that will sprout at an unknown time. It might grow today, or tomorrow, or in eighty years. God makes it grow. 

Bell.