A Song

Is this what we want

Is this all we get

I don't know what I'm looking for but I won't forget

I'll keep making mistakes

And keep finding the ways to bring myself back to you. 

But my breath keeps catching

Inside of my chest

Because your eyes keep laughing

At the silliest things

I find myself watching you. 

I've got nothing to offer

And nothing to bring

To your table, your life, 

How hollow this song rings

Over and over

It plays through you mind

Until it seems like you've heard it

At least a million times

But I'm ready to find you

And I'm open if you want to come in. 

Are we really so poor

As to stand by ourselves

With our hands in our pockets

And our hearts on a shelf

With time slipping further, yes so much further away.

My hands have gotten

A little bit colder

When they're not wrapped in yours

And the minutes grow older

It feels like I've waited forever out here just for you. 

I've nothing to offer,

And nothing to bring,

Nothing but simple words

I'm dying to sing

I'm just waiting.

Waiting out here to find you. 

Easier Than Love

"Everyone's a lost romantic

Since our love became a kissing show

Everyone's a Casanova

Come and pass me the mistletoe,

Everyone's been scared to death

Of dying here alone,

Alone."

--Switchfoot 

I'm not looking for some shallow sort of teenage love. I'm not looking for eternal happiness. I'm not looking for some emotional high that will keep me "happy" for a little while until the newness wears off. I'm looking for a deep, solid friendship that blossoms into a relationship. I use to imagine myself riding off in a blaze of romance into some tropical horizon, but now I laugh about it whenever that fantasy comes to mind. I want someone who I can be real with. I want someone that I can talk to and express myself to without them saying that I'm weird or that I need to quit thinking so much. I want someone to laugh with. Someone who will be a friend to me before anything else. Someone who is smart, who will challenge me and maybe even make me mad once in a while. I'm not that "love-at-first-sight" kind of girl. I don't care much about looks (though I wouldn't complain if they're attractive). I don't care what they do with their hair, or how they dress, or what school they go to. I care about whether or not they love the Lord with all their soul, mind, and strength. I care about the fact that they put Him and their family first place in their life. I care about whether or not this person plans to stick around or be here for a season, ready to take off once things get old. 

I'm not looking for someone to go to the movies with every weekend, nor someone to cling to and hope they can fix my life. I know that people aren't perfect. I know that no one but God could ever truly make me happy. But I have standards and I won't settle for anything less. 

I don't really know where this came from tonight, haha, but it's whatever. 

New Years

So how about 2008 is going to be completely and utterly awesome? It certainly started out with a bang. A couple of us from youth were able to go to Winterfest at Liberty University to see tons and tons of different artists, hear all kinds of amazing speakers, and just chill and get to know the other people who went. It was INCREDIBLE. Oh, and I won a $12,000 scholarship to go there!! And Mitch Figueras won an electric guitar signed by the artists!! There are no words to describe it. 

Me, Ashlin, and Amanda all shared a hotel room and we went crazy in those wee hours of the morning. ("Can you smell my eye?") We discovered a secret (LOL) and played Buzz ("I think that's cool" "Buzz!" "I think that sucks!") constantly. We mixed drinks ("It's called 'Mad Chocolate Cow Disease... wanna try it?") and stood in line for an endless amount of time for food and while waiting to get into concerts (Big Booty!). The ice skating... well some of us weren't that great and some of us were. Oh the joy. Oh the laughter. 

But amidst all the fun (and there was tons of it) I really learned a few great principles. One of the speakers on New Years Eve talked about how we are a dispassionate people, how we Christians in American basically think we have it bad when someone pokes fun at our beliefs when people are dying, becoming martyrs all over the world because they are hated for what they stand for. And yet they continue to stand, being bold in Christ. So this New Year, this generation needs to make that stand, because we are desperately needed in this world that is becoming so black. We are being called by God to rise up, to speak, to act, to make known His mighty name and so proclaim His everlasting Word of life, truth, and redemption. We do not need resolutions. We need a revolution. We need change and we need it badly. This generation has become stagnant in the puddle of our self-righteousness, and we are blind to the fact that we are drowning in our complacency. The time to be an undercover Christian is over. God needs less detectives and more cops, to make a childish analogy. God is calling His children all over the world ( yes, here in America too) to make known their faith and to let themselves submerse themselves joyfully into His plan for their life, which will always come out to be to glorify Him and make Him known. Anything else we try to do, anywhere else we try to fit ourselves in, will make us utterly miserable. So what are we waiting for? What are we doing to break the mold? Are we truly succumbing to God's plan, become missionaries in our schools, workplace, and homes, or are we just sailing along, going where we don't need to be and trying to fit in where we don't fit, therefore becoming dissatisfied? 

This year, 2008, is going to become a year of revolution only if we release our grip on this world and it's offers and run to a place of never-ending light. If you're quiet, we need you. If you're loud, we need you. If you're scared, running, happy, introverted, extroverted, funny, serious, whatever- we need you. Take that stand. Proclaim His goodness and love, His peace and mercy, His compassion and His judgement and the day of salvation, because our time is running short and the hourglass is "glued to the table." Someone out there needs Him, and therefore, they need you. So do something about it.